Why pictures?

Once again I 'fess up. I use pictures because there are
some things that I cannot say.

a) Its just not nice and it'll hurt others if put in words
b) I can't get the words out of my mouth, rather I won't admit it.
c) Its there and its pathetic fallacy or my imposition of what I feel upon my subject.
d) Its my subconscious that knows more than what I do so just I flow with it.
e) I'm listening to the voices in my head.
f) Its faster than writing poetry.
g) 'there see.... picture... proof i'm not talking out of my ass'

This mind you is on personal pictures.
Revealing if you can read the picture, if not well... call me i'll explain if I feel like it.
sorry very diva lah... its personal.

On a more confessional note:
I'm really quite a crap photog, I can't hardly expose or focus right.
Embarrassingly ya-ya papaya when I shoot for someone else.
Wish it was said to my face more often.
Shooting for the press does wonders in putting things into perspective.
not to mention humbling you to bits.
That being said i'm quite the emotional wreck these days, its no excuse
for anything though.

I can't wait to get my act together, decide where I'm headed
yet I know its not going to end overnight,
or painless either.

Unfinished thoughts

May to Sept 07. the expired sensia.

Too much on your head sir?

Warm fuzzy feeling

http://www.shift.jp.org/en/archives/2006/08/blank_by_joe_nair.html

I just chanced upon this. I could have teared lor, i didn't know
someone understood. Or at least wrote critically on it.
Its funny seeing it in writing. I didn't even take pictures
of it on the wall or keep the zaobao article, i didn't want
to, i just couldn't bear to. I remember avoiding trains for
months after, silly yes but i simply couldn't. This is almost
closure.

For the millionth time again i'll owe thanks to kaychin
and shirl. :) Its my sheer good luck to have met them.

Funny that its a japanese magazine though. It really upset
me then that I had shot it for Singaporeans and none
seemed to have gotten it. Yet people from everywhere
else can see it. Then again it isn't them.
Its probably easier to look at a picture than a mirror.

But what can I say i like banging on brick walls.
So i'm gonna try again.
I decided to a week ago.

I'll defer school. Go back to making pictures and telling stories.
Produce ads, freelance and teach tuition to feed myself.

Yes. Thats final.

rethinking me

School has gotten me back into self-portraits and looking at textures.
and well looking. I'm glad.

if there was a way we caught things

I ask if there was a way to catch the things that swarmed in our
heads, glowing ones and the grey black holes and bag them
and keep them for when the mind could couple them sweetly
with action without the frustration of unrealized desire
and latent energy and discard the pain in-between.
All within the prescribed 24/7.

I breathe and say that i'll follow my heart.
Not the advised difficult/easy way or the cautioned difficult/easy way
but the unchartered way of the gut.
With or without the 24/7.

Why do I see the world in such a removed dislocated manner?
Have all my pictures been the same emotionally?

blow!